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February 1st, 2009 
cls These are actual answers on an application for appointment:
| NAME: | Youknowme |
| SEX: | Not yet. Still waiting for the right person. |
| DESIRED POSITION: | Company’s President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever’s available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn’t be applying here in the first place. |
| DESIRED SALARY: | Rs.9999999 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that’s not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. |
| EDUCATION: | Yes. |
| LAST POSITION HELD: | Target for middle management hostility. |
| SALARY: | Less than I’m worth. |
| MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: | My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. |
| REASON FOR LEAVING: | Not known |
| HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: | Any. |
| PREFERRED HOURS: | 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. |
| DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: | Yes, but they’re better suited to a more intimate environment. |
| MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: | If I had one, would I be here? |
| DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 LBS?: | Of what? |
| DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: | I think the more appropriate question here would be “Do you have a car that runs?” |
| HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: | I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes. |
| DO YOU SMOKE?: | On the job no, on my breaks yes. |
| WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: | Living in the Goa with a fabulously wealthy dumb blonde super model who thinks I’m the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I’d like to be doing that now. |
| DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: | Yes. Absolutely. |
| SIGN HERE: | Aries. |
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